Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
