I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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