I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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