did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
