The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
