I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
