I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
