Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
