My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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