My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
