i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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