if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
