Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
