Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
