I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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