covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
