You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize