Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
