It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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