There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
