a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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