Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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