I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
