the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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