I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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