just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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