dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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