i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
