worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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