My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
