This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize