Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
