The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
