She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize