She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize