Pappa wants mamma naked
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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