so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
