so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
