You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
