god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
