i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
