FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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