I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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