She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
