The maid of honor just puked.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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