Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
