I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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