i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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