my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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