epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
