Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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