I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it's like iHOP with fire
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
