I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
