dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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