So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
