hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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