walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
