I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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