Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
