I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
