Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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