...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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